I've Got Theo In My Pants
by givemesidewalkshadows
Summary: Based on The Book of Mormon's "I've got maggots in my scrotum". Mormons are spreading the word of Jesus Christ in Jingletown when they run into a Saint with a little bit of a problem. Comment & Review!


**Disclaimer: I don't own The Book of Mormon or American Idiot. I don't even own some of these ideas like Theo popping out of Jimmy's pants. I think I was delirious when I wrote this so... Enjoy! :D**

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**_(Setting: Jingletown, California. The hallway of a rundown apartment building_**

**_Two Mormon boys enter into the hallway. Kevin Price and Arnold Cunningham have rung the door bell of every apartment and have one left.)_**

Elder Price: Thank the heavenly father! This is the last apartment!

Elder Cunningham: Are you sure you don't want to got back through and see if anyone changed their minds?

Elder Price: It doesn't usually work like that.

Elder Cunningham: Well, Anakin Skywalker never thought he'd be evil but-

Price: *rings the doorbell*

Ding-Dong! Ding-dong!

Price: (under breath) don't be home, don't be home, don't be home-

Cunningham: *gasps* Kevin!

Price: I told you Elder Cunningham, you can NOT call me Kevin!

Cunningham: Yeah, but you're my best friend!

Price: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(The door opens revealing two men, Johnny & Jimmy)

Price: Hello! My name is Elder Price and-

Cunningham: Sleeping with frogs will rid you of AIDS!

Price: ARNOLD!  
Johnny: If you're helping rid AIDS, you might want to make a crossover fic with RENT.

Jimmy: And you just broke the fucking fourth wall, dumbass!

Price: Quit making things up Elder Cunningham!

Elder Cunningham: You watch me. One day I'll save african villages with my teachings.

Price: Yeah I'll believe that when a book gets shoved up my butt.

Jimmy: If you don't get off my doormat, I will shove a fucking Webster Dictionary up both your asses!

Cunningham: NOOOOOOO!

Price: Woah, Woah, WOAH! There's no need for any violence here!

Johnny: What's with the perfect hair and white shirts? Who are these guys?

Jimmy: They're Mormons.

Johnny: Mormon. Isn't that a disease?

Price & Cunningham: ...

Jimmy: ...

Johnny: What?

Jimmy: Get the fuck out.

Johnny: Wha-?

Jimmy: NOW!

Johnny: *cries and runs back into the apartment*

Jimmy: So where were we? Oh yeah! I was about to shove books up your ass.

Price: We don't want to cause any trouble. We're from the Church of Latter-day Saints and we have come to share with you this book of Jesus Christ!

Jimmy: Jesus?

Johnny: *from inside* What?  
Jimmy: NOT YOU!

Johnny: *cries*

Price: ANYWAYS, have you ever felt that there's an emptiness in your life?

Jimmy: What the fuck?

Price: Just listen, When you go to sleep at night do you sometimes feel a power STIRRING inside you?

Jimmy: *takes a step outside* Yeah! Exactly how I feel!

Cunningham: Well then, scary emo rapist looking guy, come on down!

Jimmy: ...

Price: ...

Cunningham: *giggles*

Price: (under breath) Why me? (clears throat) Back to what I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, do you find yourself asking questions about that strange feeling inside?

Jimmy: Fuck yeah!

Price: And it's because you want to believe in something more, isn't it?

Jimmy: No, it's because I've got Theo in my pants.

Price: You've got WHAT?

Jimmy: I've got Theo in my pants! You can help out?

Price: You might want to pray to Jesus about that.

Jimmy: I complain to him every fucking day!

Johnny: *pokes his head out* It's true! There's no end to the complaining!

Jimmy: Back inside! NOW!

Johnny: *cries and disappears into the apartment*  
Price: You don't really like your friend there, don't you?

Jimmy: Nah. We're always shipped together. It's okay.

Price: Shipped? What is that?

Jimmy: When people think a certain couple should exist. For example, I bet there's a huge group of people who ship you and your stupid friend over there.

Price: ... I'm going to go vomit.

Johnny: *from the inside* And you were bitching me about breaking the fourth wall you hypocrite!

Price: *trying not to throw up* Well, back to your problem-

Jimmy: I HAVE NO PROBLEMS! IM FLAWLESS!

Price: -with this thing named Theo.

Jimmy: Oh, yeah. He randomly pops out of my pants during the day.

Price: ...

Jimmy: And Theo is not the name I gave my penis! JUST making that clear!

Price: Oh GOD! I wasn't even thinking that!

Theo: *pops out of pants* Did someone call my name?

Price: AUGH! *drops the Book of Mormon*

Theo: Woah! Who's the attractive Mormon guy?

Price: EWWWWW!

Jimmy: Go away Theo!

Theo: Not until you introduce me to your handsome friend!

Cunningham: HEY! He's MY best friend so back off!

Price: This is all Too Much Too Soon! *grabs his book off the floor* Let's get out of here!

Theo: Too Much Too Soon? That's really catchy... *sees Price start to walk away* NOOOOOOO! Attractive Mormon guy! Come back!  
(Price and Cunningham run down the hallway and out of sight)

Jimmy: Hey! I still have Theo in my pants!

**The End**


End file.
